Boober's first visit with Santa

A picture is worth a thousand words, right?
Well, Boober is a big fan of things that make noise. Like the bell on Santa's hat. Yes, my kid is totally the one that ripped the hat and glasses right off of Santa's head.
This Santa is the cream of the crop though, and simply thanked Boober for giving his head a minute to breathe. "It was getting pretty hot in there!"



However, it would seem the damage was done. Boober decided this Santa business was just too alarming for words. He wouldn't sit on Santa's knee anymore.



Sweet Pea on the other hand -- she has always known that Santa is a cool guy.

Stocking for Boober!

Boober was born on December 10 last year. Yes, he arrived before Christmas -- but we completely ignored his arrival for his first Christmas. There were a lot of valid reasons.

In all honesty, I think of this year as Boober's first Christmas. We've picked up some fun stuff for him. I think he'll have a great day. And now I've made him a perfectly lovely stocking - and I hope he'll like it!

First, I took Mr. Wonderful's stocking - which is the perfect shape and size - and used it as a template.

 

Once I had the pattern, I cut out: 2 of the patterned fabric, 2 'warm and natural' cotton batting and 2 plain inside pieces. 

Then I immediately messed everything up by doing this:

 

Yeah . . . don't do that. If you do that, you get this:

 

 

Instead, put the patterned pieces right sides together, INSIDE the batting. Then when you turn it right side out, you'll get this:

 

 Sew together the plain lining pieces. Don't turn the piece after you've sewn it, just shove it in there and smooth everything out.

Then I took a length of ribbon, and some furry trim I had on hand, and I eyeballed out the trim. Inside the stocking, I layered the ribbon and the trim, then sewed around. It looked like this:

 

Then I just flipped everything to the outside, et voila!

 

 

I was definitely inspired by a tutorial I saw online - but I couldn't be bothered to look it up to follow the directions. Maybe this is mostly the same, maybe it isn't. I don't even know - because I never got past reading the materials section of that tutorial. 

So . . . enjoy! I have a bunch more of these to whip up.

I haven't blogged HALLOWEEN yet??

Holy shit! I've been gone for a long while, eh?



Boober-bot and his big sister Froggy.
It was a cold night, the candy was flowing freely, and we walked and walked. Sweet Pea was in her glory! Boober was not so impressed, but he only cried twice.
She's still working on her bowl of trick or treats.

Rainy days and new toys

It's been raining . . . for . . . like . . . 3 weeks. Blech.
We've done so many couch forts, they've lost their shine.

 

In fact, they're so dull now that the kids have to find stuff to poke and bother on the bookshelves instead. Poor children!

 

But we DO have a new way to pass the time. Mr. Wonderful did a sweet, sweet thing, and bought me an amazing new camera. I used to shoot an SLR back in the day. I haven't shot an SLR in about 7 years. I'm amazed at just how much I've forgotten about aperture, exposure, ISO . . . it's just . . . buh. But the kids are giving me lots of practice. 

 

 

We've been doing an awful lot of baking around here lately. This is Boober and his pilfered cookie face. Isn't he a happy boy?? Yup, that chocolate chip cookie jumped the cooling rack and he was on it faster than I expected. By the time I finished with the cookie sheet, he had eaten half the cookie. Little stinker!

Sibling love! Sweet Pea is still so in love with her baby brother. Every time I try to loan him out to someone else she throws down and insists that we HAVE to keep him!! Big Cuddly HUG!!

 

 

This one cracks me up -- look how effective child locks can be when you neglect to do them up. And the little bugger is just so pleased with himself! Look mom! I found a new toy cupboard!

Converted?

See, it's the same old problem . . . I loved knitting these socks. Absolutely I did . . . but they feel gnarly on my feet. :: Sad Face::

 

Just . . . too loose. Maybe a smaller needle? I had to use a 2.75mm on these. Sadly, my LYS is just out of 2.5mm needles, with a delay on their expected shipment. I thought a 2.75mm was the way to go, but . . . no. Maybe it's the lace? I don't know.

 

They look amazing. I'll likely still end up wearing them . . but . . meh.

 

I still plan on knitting another pair of socks - ribbed ones this time. I have some really beautiful locally produced yarn queued up. Looking forward to getting that all worked up. For now, I need to work on Making Friends and pulling together holiday orders.

Did I drink the kool-aid? I did, didn't I?

There I was, loudly denying my conversion at knit night when it hit me . . .
I have one pair of hand-knit socks. One pair that I made myself, and even though they're slightly too small, I still wear them the second they're dry. When I was looking for new shoes recently, I looked for shoes that would display my socks, not hide them. I've queued 4 or 5 sock patterns. I've wound 3 balls of sock yarn into cakes . . . and the final nail in the coffin -- I bought more sock needles.
I'm a sock knitter now, aren't I? Doomed to second sock syndrome, mass amounts of fingering weight yarns, and constant WIPs.

It's not like I've never knit socks.
I made my mom a pair years ago.

I made myself a pair that I couldn't even get on my feet (cast on was too tight).

And then only doll socks and baby socks for roughly 3 years.

 But one day I was complaining about my uncomfortable store-bought socks when my good friend Jen suggested I give hand-knit another shot. And the seed was planted. I thought about it. And I thought about it.
And I decided to give it a shot . . . after I found an absolutely lovely sock yarn that just called my name.

 

So I made myself 'Jeck' . . . and at first I didn't like them much. I mean, they looked great, but it takes some getting used to.

Hand-knit socks feel odd around the ankle. And my cast-on was still a little snug, so it takes some work to actually get them on. But I'm a mom with 2 little wee kids, and that particular day once I had my socks on, I didn't have an opportunity to take them off again. And I learned that hand-knit socks are actually pretty decent. I mean, sure they cost more than bagged socks from the store. And yeah, washing them is less convenient and more work than other socks. But I like them.

So I picked out some patterns, and wound some skeins of yarn into cakes, and had a 3 day hunt for sock needles, ending with the purchase of new needles. And then I cast on for another pair of socks. This time it's a different pattern. I've already finished the leg, turned the heel, and finished the gussets. I'm 3 pattern repeats and a toe away from finished the first one!

I've been so crazy with Making Friends that it's nice to take some time to do something for me.  

Of moose and men

We're heading in to Moose Season, so to commemorate let me share my latest project.

Mr. Wonderful called it a Tanned Camel Sack (as in testes) and I laughed so hard, I nearly peed on the couch. Then I added eyes and nostrils, and it started to look more like something.  

One set of antlers later and it was really taking shape.

And then I finished it up! Here we have it, the confused moose. He's supposed to have birds in his antlers, but to be honest, I can't be bothered.

Going to the park: An exercise in WTFery.

This morning I took the kids to the park. It's a nice walk, followed by some great play time, followed by an uphill trudge back home.
Today, we were the only ones there. For a while.

Exhibit 1: Old people are fucking WEIRD.
A car pulls up. Parks - not in a parking spot, but across several parking spots. Whatever. There's no one else here, right? A gentleman in his late mid-life gets out of the car, and begins unloading the trunk. 2 lawn chairs. Some blankets. A sun umbrella. A pillow?
An older woman gets out of the car. Her hair looks just like every other older woman's hair. Seriously - why does every woman of a certain age have the same damned hair cut?? She is wearing a jacket that can only be described as an afront to fashion. She is wearing electric blue splash pants.
The couple makes their way across the park. The go around several trees, and finally set up UNDER one of them. Why is this weird? Because they then settle into their chair and lounger, wrap themselves in blankets, and just sit. And sit. And sit. Dudes, it was warm enough in the sun that I wished for a hair elastic. Old people, if you are cold, move forward 3 feet and sit in the freakin' sun!!

Exhibit 2: Other people's children are fucking WEIRD.
Sweet Pea was collecting pretty rocks. We found her a lovely sparkly one in the gravel under the jungle gym.
Another family arrives to play at the park. Sweet Pea accidentally knocks down her sparkly rock into the gravel, never to be seen again. A great gnashing of teeth commences. A little boy offers to help her find it. Aw, so sweet! They look for a while. No luck. The boy starts talking to me. Yes, the baby is mine. Yes, we're here to play today. No, we haven't had our lunch yet. Yes, those things on the bench are ours. Yes, they are. Excuse me, that bag is mine. WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIFLING THROUGH MY BAG? No, it's not appropriate to go through other people's things. I don't care that you weren't going to take anything - IT'S NOT YOURS. Believe it or not, you should never go through someone else's things.
And his mom? Didn't bat an eye. Didn't say a word. Didn't reprimand or berate or even shake her head.

That cleaning thing . . .

There is a difference between clean and tidy you know. Tidy means all the toys are put away. All the laundry is in the laundry room, and the dishes are in the dishwasher. Tidy means the appearance of clean. Clean, however . . . clean takes some real work. Clean means the floors are scrubbed. The toilet too. Clean means laundry and dishes are DONE. Clean means it's okay if Boober decides today's adventure is licking the floors and giggling. Clean means smelling fresh, and maybe even sparkling a bit.

For anyone who's interested, the cleaning of our home is still coming along. I got derailed over the course of last weekend - looks like it's best to consider this a Monday - Friday venture.
Today we're expecting an old friend of Mr. Wonderful's to visit, along with her 10 month old daughter. For once, there was no panic, no fight, no hurt feelings the night before a visit. Our home is presentable. Not fantastic, not lovely, not perfect by any stretch. But now it looks like it's lived in by a busy family of 4 -- not a family of squirrels.
Cleaning the kitchen was definitely an excercise in frustration. It took me three tries to mop the floor. First attempt - me on my hands and knees with a scrub brush. I got the deep dirt out, but the floor didn't look very clean . . .
Second attempt - mop. I mopped up the ick from attempt #1. It looked AWESOME! Until Sweet Pea wondered through with her dirty feet and my wet floor. And then Boober followed her. And . . . fuck.
Third attempt - I tried to wait until they were both napping, but it just wasn't a simul-nap kind of a day. So I stacked all the 'stuff'' from the kitchen in the doorways to prevent entry. Sweet Pea complained bitterly, but her whining fell on deaf ears. Then I threatened the two of them with SEVERE CONSEQUENCES!! if they went in the kitchen before the floor dried. And. It. Worked! Today my kitchen floor is amazing! Well, it has some breakfast on it. And a touch of last night's dinner too . . . but it's still smooth and nice to walk on.

I'm finding that there are chores I'm adding to the checklist these days. I'm learing enough about my routine and lack thereof to know what needs to be added. It's a pretty good feeling, actually. I like not having to wrestle the baby for items of an icky nature several times daily. I'm down to just a few times a day now -- it's a work in progress. It's going to take time to make it REALLY clean . . . but I'm still doing it, and that's what counts!

318 days

318 days of work. Not like, every day work . . . but it was there and in progress for 318 days.

That's 10.5 months.

I started it before Boober was born. It was supposed to be his. Now, I don't think I can let the kids play with it.
What is it? My trusty and faithful Companion Cube.

Long ago, I went to Shall We Knit, and I got myself 3 skeins of Cascade 220. 1 in pink and 2 shades of grey. I carefully transported it home, and brought it inside, full of caution and optimism. This was to be Boober's Companion Cube - to keep him company on long, cold nights. To always be there for him when he needed it most. To play with in the car seat, and the stroller, and wherever else he might be.
And then I prepped for the big cast on. I printed out the pattern. I wound skeins into infinitely more useable balls. I checked the Ravelry pattern page for info re: needle size - and I froze in horror. The yarn called for in the original pattern is fingering weight. The yarn I purchased was worsted weight. For those of you who a) don't knit, or b) don't give a fig about gauge - there is marked difference in the size of these 2 yarns. This would take the Cube from a handful, to something rather . . . large.
I cast on anyway. 'So what,' I thought, 'it's a toy! Gauge isn't really important! It's kind of funny when you think about it.'
And then I knit a few rows. And it was kind of tedious. But hey, it was for Boober and his Cube! A worthy cause! But stranding over 13 stitches kind of made me want to stab one of my needles into my hand over and over. So I put it down. For months.
It was only when I decided to knit the cube itself in a plain grey, and duplicate stitch the motif on that I was able to actually make the knitted sides. At first, I was knitting a row, and then doing the duplicate stitch on that same row. Eventually, I declared that too boring to proceed, and just did the whole grey cube in a few sittings.
Duplicate stitch is fun in short doses. I learned this over the next few months. When I was feeling very motivated, I could crank out 1/4 - 1/2 of a side in motif in one night. When I wasn't feeling motivated, it would stare at me reproachfully from the coffee table while I worked on other things.
And then Boober was born, and the whole thing got shelved for many, many months. I would occasionally flirt with the Cube. Do a few rows of duplicate stitch before putting it down. Getting the first 2 sides done was really exciting for me -- I was able to cut the steeks, which I find really exciting, and get the sides blocking, which I find to be the opposite of really exciting.

And then, something happened. Remember that mobile I made? Well the baby it was meant for was due - and that made me think a lot of the Cube . . . and I wanted to cast on new things, and that made me think of finishing up. And suddenly, I was hauling ass through the Cube again.

I got more sides done, and seamed, and blocked and blocking.

For a lot of people, this sort of finishing on a project is a major deterrent. I actually enjoyed it. I recently learned how to properly seam, and now I find it much more enjoyable. It took me a week to get it all set - but then . . . .

I was just about ready to sew it shut. The foam was in there - I got a piece of furniture foam and a bread knife - it was a little hairy for a while! First the cube was 8" square, but things were looking a little stretched. I cut it down to 7" square, and it was a little too small. So I wrapped the foam block in 2 layers of quilt batt. Perfect.
And then I sewed it shut . . . .

And then I was just kind of . . . astonished that it was finally finished, and sitting there in front of me. Just. Wow.

Things I learned about this pattern: the stranding will give the cube structure. Do The Stranding! Even if you think it's dumb. Or impossible. Do it.
Turn each side perpendicular to the last when seaming. It looks cool.
Felting (my original intent) with duplicate stitch is ill-advised. Think about it - different thicknesses of fabric, not good.
Putting plastic canvas or a foam sheet in each side for structure is a good idea in theory. In practice it made me totally crazy. I threw out $3 worth of supplies for this reason.

For those of you who think I might be crazy for even doing this, yes it's a video game thing, and no I'm not a gamer . . . but look at it! The nod to Maslow and his monkey experiment kills me! I Love It! Only a homicidal computer could think that taking an inanimate weighted cube and putting hearts on it would be a comfort. And yet, somehow, you do become fond of your cube. Fond enough to make one of your very own.

Turning over a new leaf.

Recently it occurred to me - as I picked my way through piles of shit, in an attempt to pluck something unsavoury from Boober's mouth - that I am a slob. A complete slob. Well, maybe not complete. I throw away trash most of the time, my house is not full of bugs or rodents, I can't be a complete slob. But there have been back-handed comments, and seeing the shit that Boober finds around to nom on is very telling . . . so it's been front of mind lately.

The state of my home: horrifying. I made a decision right then that for the sake of my children, and my own stress and sanity level, I need to do better. But where do you start? When you have finite and limited amounts of space, and 2 kids up in your grill at all times . . . what can you do? I've been in a holding pattern of ick for so long. And then my SIL hit me up for info on smartphones (I work for a wireless provider. This info is like breathing for me - although it's wildly confusing for the uninitiated) and she mentioned an app that she was lusting after. I checked it out. The skies cleared. The angels sang. A checklist! A daily checklist! It's perfect!

This app gives me a list of things to do daily, weekly, bi-weekly, and monthly. It's possible (maybe advisable) to edit frequency and tasks. Sure, lists are 'silly' and you can totally make them yourself and all that -- but it's a free app, and it seems to be working for me.

Wednesday, I cleaned the bathroom. Including the tub and surround. I last did this while nesting with Sweet Pea. She's 3 now. I am Horrifying.
Thursday, I cleaned the fridge with soap and everything! Last time I did this? Never. I am so gross.
Friday I took 2 or 3 hours to cull the massive toy herd we've grown. Currently my kitchen floor is covered in boxes for donation.
Today I've cleared off some of the kitchen table. It's our shit pile. Where we dump everything. When it gets full, we clear it off on to the living room floor, or the bookshelf, and we start again.

I've only just begun with this, but I'm really, really tired of being gross. I'm tired of putting it all on Mr. Wonderful - it shouldn't all be his problem. Days when the kids simul-nap, I can use that time to be productive rather than napping along side them or surfing the tubes or otherwise wasting time. Of course, napping is a completely valid pastime, and can be done on days when I'm tired too, but it doesn't have to be the default.

I'm so hoping this sticks. Because I'm tired of being gross.

Start-itis, Finish-itis, and sewing in general

The weather is getting cooler. By cooler, I mean TOLERABLE. Finally.
This means one thing to me and my brain. It's time. Time to plan new things, start new things, and finish all the things that have been hanging over my head for the past 3 or 4 months. This is how we come to have in-numerable sets of knitting needles and balls of yarn scattered around our house. They keep the piles of fabric good company. And all the spools of thread? I hear those keep . . . umm . . . MICE! Yes, mice . . . away.

So my current queue/work list is starting to look pretty insurmountable.
Dolls. Lots and lots of dolls because I'm really hoping for a guest spot with the Stitch & Kitsch this year. I need to bring along like . . . 15 - 20 dolls.
Doll clothes for the same reason.
Small stuffed animals.
My entire knitting queue (20-some items) call my name. I really want to make some more socks. And knit some toys for some kids who lost their 6 year old sister in a car accident this summer. And knit pants for my tiny son that will actually fit him. He's very tall and thin. And I owe my nephew a sweater. And I'd love some new fingerless gloves for me.
But if I cast all of that on -- yikes. So I've been really trying to finish a few things. I got Boober's sweater done.

I really like it!
Enough that I'm planning on making a few more in different colours and sizes.

This yarn (Spud & Chloe Sweater) is my new favourite. I've purchased a fair bit of it in the recent past. It's nice and soft, and thick and works up (and WEARS) beautifully.

I've also made strides on my Knitted Companion Cube. Inspired by the recent birth of a friend's baby, I cranked out the remaining duplicate stitch, blocked the remaining sides, and seamed 4/6 of the blocks this weekend.

I'm waiting on the 2 pinned sides there to dry completely, then I can complete the seaming (which I actually find enjoyable. I know. Weird) and stuff the bugger.

And I got more done on the Sk8r.

Clearly not even close yet, but it's progressing.

I need to focus on 2 special projects for a while now . . . I wonder if I can be somewhat monogamous for a while.

Omg, seriously?

Has it been that long? I suck.
I just get lured into long days at the park, or knitting, or doll-making, or worst of all . . . hanging out on Ravelry and Facebook. And then suddenly I realize I can't remember the last time I blogged.

So. Hi!
Life is good. Lots of knitting, playing and doll-making going on.
Sold 4 dolls last month. 2 more on order - they're only cuddle beans, but it's something.

This is the most recent sale, and I think she's lovely!

She was purchased as a birthday gift for a little girl in the local area. It was very cool to be able to deliver the doll in person.

In the last month I also made and delivered a great big order of project bags and shop aprons to SWK. It took up about a week of my spare time. Maybe more.
And just yesterday I learned about a new yarn shop hoping to open in my own little town. I, of course, have offered my services as a sample knitter, and as a project bag supplier. We'll see what comes of it.

Aside of that, there's been much playing

A bit of knitting

Both of these look considerably different now - but I have no current photos. The stripey one is finished - just needs some buttons.

Boober got too big for his bucket, and is in a convertible these days.

This means Sweet Pea is in a booster, which makes her really happy. She's enormous, and does meet the legal requirements, but I keep having this bizarre dream where she's suddenly lost a bunch of weight and is no longer eligible. It's weird.

But this week's BIG excitement?

"Smile with your teeth"
"I can't. They're not clean yet"

Sweet Pea went to the dentist for the very first time. She did so well. I am a super-proud mommy! No tears, no drama, no whimpers. She looked worried for about 3 seconds when they came to get her from the waiting room. By the time she left the chair, she was best friends for life with Terri - who was completely impressed and enamoured with her, in kind. And best of all? No Cavities!

Catching up

Because somehow I have managed to skip over an awful lot of living, it's time to catch up here and now.

Let's see. I did the Making Friends giveaway and sent off a rainbow girl to the US. Then Sweet Pea had her birthday. This year, her real birthday fell on a Wednesday. In the morning, when she got up my three year old found three helium balloons floating in the hallway for her. The balloons were a source of much amusement for both my wee kids.

She got a gift from Boober

And watched Toy Story 1 & 2 with her dad who took the day off work to spend with his princess.

We had planned to host her birthday party on the Saturday following Sweet Pea's birthday, but her Uncle decided to get married that day. He gave us three whole weeks notice. In case you're wondering, no his bride was not pregnant, and the reception was quite beautiful. In fact, I'm slightly jealous - and that's significant since I loved my wedding so very much. Sweet Pea went home with her cousins for a sleep over, which enabled us to get her party all prepped.
I was not aware that throwing a party for a three year old with a 7 month old (and all his needs) on my hip would be so complicated. I'm extremely grateful that our guests were so flexible and accommodating.
I only got 2 photos of the party. I was too busy. It looked a lot like last years party - kiddie pool, smiles, presents. The gifts are getting more complex as the child gets older . . . now I get to clean up PlayDoh 3 times a day. She's so happy though. How can I complain?

I finally finished knitting my socks!

I made another rainbow doll. She sold in 2 days. (Score!)

Knitted a bear, and made a simple rag doll to go with it.

This will be a birthday gift for a little girl I know.

Oh, and Sweet Pea got a scooter. She loves it. Beyond reason.

In Boober news: he's crawling like a pro, pulling up on everything, even doing a little cruising. Drooling like crazy, but still no teeth. I'm sure this child has a death wish - if you put out 20 toys, 1 piece of barbed wire, and 1 choking hazard you would be sure to find him with barbed wire in his little hands and the choking hazard in his mouth. Best of all, he'll scream his face off when you take them away.

I do believe that catches us up!

Nursing the distracted nurser.

Boober's stream of conciousness:
I'm hungry! Oh good, boobies. Ah, that's good milk, yum yum yum. Hey, that looks like fun. ::pop:: is it more fun than boobies? ... nope. ::latch:: Milk, milk, milk. I love milk. Hey, what is Sweet Pea doing? ::Turns to look, yanking nipple:: What's mommy's problem? Yeesh! ... Boobs! ::latch:: Milk is good, but there is something better. Food! Food is better because you can smear it in your hair and eyebrows, and hide it in your ears and nostrils. Is there any food around? ::pop:: Nope, I don't see anything but this boob ::latch:: Oh milk. I do like milk. Hey what's that noise?! ::pop:: ::looks around:: I don't see anything . . . HEY! WHERE'D MY BOOB GO?! WAHHHHHHH!! WAHHHHHHH! ::latch:: Can you even believe that? Why would you put away the boob when I am clearly still using it? Cripes. Slurp, slurp. Sweet Pea has a neat toy. ::pop:: Oh, I remember that toy, I've seen it before . . . when you push the button . . . yup, when you push the button a song comes on. Oh right, boobs. ::latch:: Hey, this boob is making me sleepy. ::pop:: Maybe if I fuss a little it will keep me awake. Fuss. Yup, that's better. ::latch:: Oh no, sleepy again. ::pop:: fuss. ::latch:: Oh . . . man . . . zzzzzzz.

Boober! SLOW DOWN, DAMMIT!!

It's about my little wee baby. The itty bitty one who still wears size 3 months, albeit only in certain brands. The teeny, tiny, still looks brand new one.
I mentioned he crawls (and he's getting much better at it, btw). Just this week, he learned a whole new skill -- pulling himself up to standing. Boober is closing in on 7 months old (10 days from now), but he looks so darned little, it just seems too early. I'm tempted to knock him down, but he's so PROUD of himself that I can't bring myself to do it. His little chirp of happiness when he pulls it off makes me smile.

I got through the leg, heel turn, and gusset for my socks before I got drawn into making another doll. With the giveaway, I'm getting a lot of views and publicity, so I figured now would be a good time to . . . make more.

I CAN KNIT AGAIN!!!

For the last month, my every free moment has been monopolized. By dolls. Their hair. Their clothes. The little details that make them so charming.
But I am pleased to announce that the giveaway dolls are finally done, and the giveaway is live on my Making Friends blog.



Enter if you'd like. There are no restrictions, no strings attached.

Now I am free to knit again! I have made a bunch of a sock in the last 18 hours. A whole BUNCH of a sock!! Soon I will have my very own hand made socks, and I can wear them and feel happy.
I can maybe finally finish that which is on the needles.
I can knit the sample I owe Shall we Knit? That would be great.
I can sew project bags and finish aprons, finish up that quilt, and move on to new things.

In other news, Boober has learned how to sit by himself. Also, just last week he started crawling in a spastic, interrupted manner. It takes him a while to get going - but he's determined! No one but the family has seen him do it yet, but it's a brand-new skill. Soon he'll be doing it all the time. Then his grandparents will finally see and maybe even believe me that I'm not crazy!!