Poll: on a scale of 1-10 . . . .

. . . . just how crazy would I be to cast on a new baby project? What if it were a blanket? And son-thingy were due in just three short weeks?

Keep the following in mind:
1) the blanket is made of light fingering weight yarn.
2) The three weeks before Sweet Pea's birth, I made an adult sized sweater, a whole lace stole, and a third of a second lace stole.
3) the three weeks before Sweet Pea's birth I didn't have a 2 year old to entertain.
4) the three weeks before Sweet Pea's birth I DID have to work . . . well, some of it, anyway.
5) Friday is my last day of work this go-around.
6) I have a history of getting sick of blankets and abandoning them partially finished - only to get guilty and finish them months, if not years, later.
7) This blanket is made of Lorna's Laces, in a really enticing colourway - Zombie BBQ. It makes it even more fun to work on. The yarn is delicious! Plus, wrapping my son in something called Zombie BBQ makes me gleeful.

So . . . I cast on for the blanket this morning. And I got 2 inches in, checked my gauge, and ripped it all out again. I've gone up a needle size - still don't have stitch gauge, but it's close enough at 24 st/4" as opposed to 22 sts.



I'm hoping to have it done by the boy's birth day. We'll see. The centre panel seems like it'll go quickly. I'm using some mods to make it half sized. That should help!

So, what do you think? Am I crazy??

Peeves: pet and otherwise. Warning: do not read if easily butthurt.

I think I'm going to have to avoid Facebook tomorrow. I'll explain why - Remembrance Day. Yup, it's important to remember the sacrifices of soldiers and civilians young and old. Yup, it's important to honour our past. Lest we forget? Don't make me laugh. We've clearly forgotten. Have a look at all the conflict and war in the world today. Lest we forget is about more than the graves of those who have lost their lives - it's about not repeating the mistakes and horrors of the past . . . and yet . . . Genocide? Check. Murder? Check. Inexcusable crimes? Check.

War? Lots of it? Check.

Makes me shake my head. Here are all these citizens wandering about with their token poppies, spouting off about their grandparents and their contributions to WW1 and WW2 - and completely neglecting to REMEMBER.
Please understand, I'm not out to disrespect our veterans. I'm not scoffing at my rights and freedoms. I'm just saying . . . who remembers anymore? Does anyone?
So tomorrow I may need to avoid Facebook, so as not to 1) lose any friends, or 2) start any flame wars. There are sure to be arm loads of trite and tired status updates. This here? This is my blog, I feel safe expressing myself here.

Other peeves lately include (but are not limited to):
1) Hypocrisy over obvious shit. Especially prominent in town on garbage day. We've just started a green bin program here in town. For those of you not familiar with 'green binning' it's a program where your household waste that isn't garbage (ie. facial tissues, food scraps, etc) is taken to a facility for composting. We're talking stuff that can't go in your back yard composter. Meat. Bones. Pretty much anything that isn't plastic. Good idea, right? Reduces landfill while creating a sustainable, green source of energy. What kills me is the sight of these green bins lined up along the streets all proud and smug . . . right next to the 'NO BIO WASTE PLANT' signs on some of the lawns.
Recently, a bio waste plant was proposed for the town of Elmira. It's meant to be right on the edge of town. People are freaking out about this. It's going to stink. It's going to promote lots and lots of noisy truck traffic. NOT IN MY BACKYARD WHARRRGRBL!!! The dude who runs the plant (or will be running the plant) has released a statement to the paper outlining that really there will be a handful of trucks a week, and that if the plant is smelly then they're losing the energy they're trying to harness - they'd be doin' it wrong. No dice. Elmira is still wharrrgrbl-ing. Seriously people - where do you think the contents of your oh so friendly green bin go? To a bio waste plant. Dur.
2) Smug-ass pregnant women. I am, as you know, pregnant myself. Nothing bugs the hell out of me like a smug-ass pregnant woman. The kind who won't get off her delicate tushy to get herself a glass of water if her fucking life depended on it. The kind who are more precious and important than everyone else in the world because they are creating life! Bitch, it's been done before, by countless women, countless generations and you are not so shit hot for getting knocked up. You're not special. I try, when pregnant, to have outside interests and maintain some semblance of an interesting life. When someone asks what I did on the weekend, I like to have something to say aside of 'admired my belly and considered the specialness of my fetus - have you seen this stretch mark over here?'. There are some boards/online groups I frequent that make me bananas. I had to leave all but one of them, actually . . . for fear of shooting my mouth off and making enemies. Now the one group I have left is making my eyelids twitch. They are 37 weeks along maximum (all due in December this year) and have been talking for about 6 weeks now about the contents of their hospital bags, what labour comfort measures they'll be taking, etc, etc. Some of their labour comfort measures include: bringing karaoke/video game consoles to their respective hospitals, and my favourite yet "making love" while labouring. Best of luck to you, ladies. I can tell you right now my hospital wouldn't allow any of that shit. It's too noisy - it will totally harass the other labouring women. Further, you probably won't even want anything to do with any of that . . . since these women want natural, drug-free deliveries. Cripes.
Also, from the second you pee on that stick and learn you are pregnant . . . you don't need to ensure every conversation includes a reference to your impending child. I get it, you're expecting. Hearing about it constantly is aggravating to me. Imagine what it does to someone who wants kids and can't have them. Or to someone who is child-free by choice and feels judged for his/her decision. Knock it off already.

T-MINUS:

6 weeks. Of work. Max. Because baby is due in 6.5 weeks.

(This is the part where I freak out and flail and go WTH? and perform a small piece of performance art I call 'where did the time go and WHAT is coming out of WHERE and do I HAVE to wait 6 more weeks?')

Know what this means? Means I'm getting nesty. And none too soon. 6 weeks to due date means 4 weeks to full-term, and we have an awful lot to do. Sort of. I have been somewhat nesty before, but I usually a) turn it on Sweet Pea and sort her entire wardrobe by colour and functionality - much to her confusion or b) sit and fret because I am too tired to get off my sizable pregnant ass and do something!! On the upside, Sweet Pea's wardrobe is fully sorted and quite functional! On the downside . . . she has to be moved out of the nursery and in to her big girl room. This means a closet re-do.

Since son-thingy is baby #2, most of the urgent stuff is already done. Lots of the stuff I'd like to do isn't so urgent.
Urgent stuff:
Create a nursery. Check. Now to get Sweet Pea out of it.
Buy itty bitty diapers. Check. Frequent squeeing over said itty bitty diapers is also paramount. They are less than half the size of Sweet Pea's diapers. Awww!
Obtain tiny clothes. Check. I won't have to buy a damn thing for son-thingy until he's in size 6 mos. I think. (Except more diapers. And maybe socks.)
Pack hospital bag. Too soon. I'm waiting at least 2 more weeks for this one. Provided I can ignore the urge long enough.
Pack home birth kit, in case of raging snowstorm, or labour on Christmas Eve. Still too soon. See Hospital bag.
Not so urgent stuff:
Clean all the things! Probably won't. I'm a wretched, horrible housekeeper, and a lazy pregnant woman.
Freeze lots of meals. I've frozen enough meals that we had to break in to a fresh box of Corning Ware. I don't think we'll starve. I've been doing a fair bit of baking too.
Create a birth plan. Meh. Didn't bother last time, probably won't this time either.
Knit some more stuff?

And of course, we must remember to load the Giftmas crap on the wagon too. Fun, fun, fun. Busy days.

#19

May I present Danny: doll #19.

Danny was a custom order from a lady who loved Gilbert so much, she wanted one who looked similar. And he sure does.







I'm down to one custom order right now, and it's one I'm not too excited about. Makes it hard to really get in there and do it. I have the body sewed up - but that's it. I also have about 3 ready to go dolls in the works for the shop. And one Cuddle Bean.
I've had a serious crimp thrown in though - I can't work at work anymore. I have a new manager, who is kind of a hard-ass . . so no knitting, no sewing, no anything to occupy my time between calls. Sigh. I need a few more weeks before I can start gently introducing crafting to my work day again. You know, ease her into it . . . and I only have 7 weeks of work maximum left.

Too bad too. I have a few knitting projects on the go that could really use some care and attention. I'm making son-thingy a weighted companion cube. I'm only about three rows in though. It's HUGE - I think it's about 250 stitches per round. It's epic. I'm also still working on a black twinkle vintage cardigan for him. I think it will never be done. Well, until I hit the FINISH FINISH OMG FINISH part of nesting . . . right now I seem to be in the 'Start All The Things!' nesting stage.

Photo shoots!

Tomorrow I'm back to work, and let me assure you -- I am not looking forward to it. Sadly (sarcasm! See what I did there?) I have only a few weeks of work left - 9 weeks until baby's due date. That's about 2 months of work, right? I can make it, right?

Given that I've been home during daylight hours, I took some better photos of Gilbert. He's definitely one of my favourites to date. Right up there with the ballerina and the princess.






And today, we got a belly shot. Behold, my 30 week girth:

What a difference a week makes (and some vacation time)

I haven't been to work in 4 days. Today is my 5th day off. And even though I did a lot of errands and running around yesterday, even though I was out of the house for the same period of time as usual - man, I feel better! I think work is just stressing me way out, and I'm ill-equipped to deal with it in my present state.
Thanks for the encouragement, btw. I got phone calls and emails, and your messages here - and I really felt supported.

Yesterday was a follow-up ultrasound for a complication that was discovered in our 20 week ultrasound. (Don't worry - the baby and I are both going to be fine . . . we just may not have the natural birth we were hoping for. 7 weeks ago, I was very distraught over this idea. Today, I feel much more okay with it.) It was the most clinical ultrasound I have ever attended. I've been at 7 now. It was very dissatisfying. I saw the baby for approximately 15 seconds. "Here's the head, here's the face, we'll print that out, here's the legs down here." His face freaked me out a little. I wish I hadn't seen it, actually. Everything looks odd under ultrasound and I know he'll be beautiful when he's born. Hell, even if I could peer in there and see him without ultrasound, he'd be beautiful now . . . but it was kind of creepy seeing him. And of course, that's the print out they gave me to take home. So now I'm dissatisfied with my ultrasound, and feeling guilty over being creeped out by my son's ultrasounded face, which I felt obligated to hang on the fridge. (I hid it under some other stuff.) Awesome.

Then I went for my glucose tolerance test (yawn). Then I went shopping. Went to Shall We Knit? which was a fruitful and positive trip. Visited Meme's cafe for lunch (stuffed Portobello YUM!). Hit Toys R Us, which didn't have a single thing I was looking for. Went to the mall where I nearly struck out on everything again, but was able to get some jeans for Sweet Pea - who currently has nothing but white pants and jersey pants to wear. I have to wonder how that happened. Then I was supposed to go to Walmart, but I was just too tired and sore to continue. I went home. At home I discovered that I was missing 2 key ingredients for dinner. Macaroni it is! Sweet Pea was happy as a clam with her macaroni, shaky cheese (Parmesan. We have Mr. Wonderful to thank for that one) and salad. I crocheted a wig, and we went to bed.

This morning . . . #18!!



I'll get better photos later. This little guy (I call him Gilbert) is going to China to live with a little boy. His mom really liked Henry, but the little boy is only 2 and Henry is a little . . . well, HUGE for him. So she ordered a custom just like Henry. Clever mommy!

How do I do it?

Last trimester woes. This go around . . . well, I'm seriously feeling it.

It doesn't help that my employer is pulling some bullshit stuff lately - not allowing me to cash out my time bank for prenatal appointments, giving me a hard time about all my pee breaks, putting us through constant changes and uncertainty, etc, etc. I'm stressed. I'm at the end of my rope. And I have 11 weeks to go.

Then there's the usual stuff: tired, immense, sore as hell. The kicks and thumps that were once awe-inspiring and exciting are now painful and a little terrifying (what exactly am I gestating?), hungry but so inclined to heart burn that I'm afraid to ingest anything. I don't mean to complain. I know there are many, many other women the world over who would gladly take my place - but today I'm feeling so low. And I have 11 weeks to go.

And there's parenting a toddler. Sweet Pea really is such a good girl. She's the best kid I could ask for. But I'm over-tired, spread thin, and low on patience. I want to be a great, patient and always loving mommy to her, but I'm finding her antics difficult to take some days. I know that after the baby arrives, I'll be just as tired, but much less hormonal. And I have 11 weeks left to go.

I'm just done, y'know? Done. If I could start my maternity leave without being detrimental, I would. On the other hand, it's beneficial to work as long as possible.

How do I get through this?